A Journey of Learning: Lesson #2 // 一個旅程的學習（第二課)
祂的愛是無限無底線，我們要幾多，祂總會比更多！God’s love is without limits and boundaries. He always gives us more than we need!
第一晚，晚會中的一首敬拜歌Be Still，祂讓我重頭再一次感受，再次喚醒了我一些遺忘了的、淡化了的一些過往經歷時的感受 – 祂如何帶領並救贖我回到祂的身邊。記起當天這一首歌，讓我可以支持着、依靠着，讓我可以相信就是如何難過也必可以過。到了今天再聽，就好像真的與祂已經在波濤凶湧中越過了一個又一個的浪，準備踏上征途了。唯一從起初到現在也未曾改變的、也永不改變的就是祂是神，我要安趟、要相信祂是神。
在下午我參予了YWAM（Youth With A Mission International）的學習堂，主講牧師說：「如果你已準備好用神的愛去愛人，無論是到哪裡，哪一個人，我們只要順服，並不要懼怕，因神愛我們，祂必會幫助我們。」
The first morning at the training camp, I heard the Lord say, “I’ll enter deeper into your heart.” What was that about? I really didn’t understand what it meant, but the words put in my heart a sense of great expectation.
On that first night, during the evening session, we sung the song Be Still. As we were singing, I felt the Lord stir in me some old emotions I had once experienced a long time ago, but which had become faded and forgotten with time. I remembered how it felt when He redeemed me and led me back to His side. I remembered how the song had been a source of strength and encouragement to me, as the lyrics gave me faith that God will bring me through even the greatest of difficulties. As the music filled my ears, I thought how true it was, that I had really soared above wave after wave with my Lord through stormy seas. Together with Him, I had embarked on an adventure of conquest. The one abiding, unchanging Truth from beginning till now is that He is God—and yes, I will be still and know that He is God.
I knew that from that night on, my son and I would be encountering once more a life-changing experience. It would be a journey of love and wonder, and a chance to grow deeper in God.
That night, there was thunder and lightning and pouring rain. He said,
“ …The clouds poured down water, the heavens resounded with thunder …You led your people like a flock …” Psalm 77:17–20
The next morning, we had team devotional time together. The devotional passage for Day Two began this way, “A lot of people lack love in their lives, because they have never been loved …” In the two simple lines, the hurt from my past was rearing its head again, declaring This is you—it’s you the passage is talking about. I thought of how the words also spoke about my mother; I thought of my son; I thought of God … And I remembered how on my birthdays I used to wish to know what true love really is and to have it in my life. It was then I realized God is this love I’d been seeking the whole time. He was what was missing in my life. I came to know what love is because of Him. Because of Him, I could love too, and He gave me the strength to love. I’d finally found it—and I was never letting go again.
At that instant I heard the Lord speak again. He said, “I’ll enter even more deeply into your heart … and heal you.”
That night, everything that was said and sung on stage seemed to slice my heart wide open. God showed me my unhealed wounds. But at the same time He injected into me a new courage to release my love for my family, which I’d kept long and well hidden from them and even myself. I found myself sobbing and asking of the Lord like I hadn’t in a long time.
But the greater healing and release came through the tears of my six-year-old son. He had been going through a rough patch since my divorce, struggling to understand and express all the feelings he was going through. That very night the Lord spoke to each and every one who had experienced such heartbreak: He never overlooks a single one of His creation. He knows and loves every heart. Young and old are all His children.
God’s love is without limits and boundaries. He always gives us more than we need!
I was starting to feel tired after a whole day’s events.
The Lord said, “…You and these people who come to you will only wear yourselves out. The work is too heavy for you; you cannot handle it alone.” Exodus 18:18
The topic on the third day was “responding to God’s call through evangelizing to the nations.” The topic threaded through the day’s activities, from the morning all the way up to team-sharing after the evening session. I believe it was no mere coincidence or accident that my son and I were present there. That day we were to learn to respond to God’s call. I tried to count the number of times He had spoken to me or shown me in visions His call to “evangelize to the nations.” I realized He had spoken not just once, or twice, but many times…
The first time it happened through a vision (and it was the very first time I’d ever received a vision), I was soaring through clouds in the sky. The Lord showed me I would be traveling to different places, but at that time I hadn’t heard of such a thing as spreading the Gospel yet. I thought a little foolishly He was telling me I would journey around the world in the future.
The second time, He led me through a vision to these verses: “Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life … And the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations.” Revelation 22:1–2
For a third and fourth time, and for countless times afterwards, He kept teaching me in different ways about the nations, His heart for them; the work He’ll accomplish in my life; and why it was necessary for me to go through each trial in my life—the goal of it all is to spread the Gospel to the ends of the earth.
In the afternoon, I attended a workshop hosted by YWAM (Youth with a Mission International). The pastor said, “If you’re ready to love with God’s love, no matter where, or who the person is, as long as we submit and take heart, God will surely help us because He loves us.”
It moved me to respond. “Lord, I will obey you! Let it be yes when You say yes, no when You say no. Wherever You tell me to go, I’ll go! You’ve shown me Africa many times in vision. How will You send me? When? And what about my family You’ve given me here on earth?”…
I was feeling even more tired that day. That night I slept only three hours.
He said, “…After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. The tempter came to him…” Matthew 4:1–11
On the fourth day, my prayer from the night before was answered. It was truly a day to give thanks for!
“Praise the Lord! My family here on earth are all Your children. You love them even more passionately than I do. Thank you for giving me the courage to tell them, ‘I need you’ and ‘I love you’, and for renewing my mind and transforming me, so that I can know Your will and be Your servant and loved one.
Praise the Lord for giving me a dream anew—that I will dance for You in all corners and to the ends of the world.
Praise the Lord that my life can bring others comfort and encouragement.
Praise the Lord that my son prayed tonight to be always with his mother.”
Praise the Lord!
This verse came to me in my thanksgiving. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
On the fifth and last day of camp, I encountered the same question I’d been wrestling with throughout the five days. “What can I do today that is pleasing to the Lord? How can I know You more deeply this very day?” I knew this would continue to be the enduring question while I’m on this earth.
But I had a more pressing question close to my heart. “Lord, over the past five days I’ve seen the needs and hurts in the lives of sisters around me. How is it that I seem to have seen past my own needs and hurts? There seems to be nothing that’s worth my sadness, nor is there weakness in me. I remember you’ve said when we are weak, we can be strong because of You …so there must be something wrong with me.” It was impossible for me to believe that I didn’t have any weaknesses, but I didn’t have an answer either. But I sensed the answer would come when we’ve embarked on the missions trip.
The special session held that evening was the most exciting and the wildest one of the whole camp. Who says it’s boring to listen to the Gospel? We were dancing, shouting—the old and the young—and my son and I were among them, sweat pouring down our backs—it was incredible!
Even more amazing were the friendships my son formed in this short trip. It showed me how a truly joyful person rejoices with the rejoicing!
We were setting off for Thailand for the missions trip early next morning. I rested only two hours, and I didn’t hear the Lord speak again that night.
I didn’t have a chance to summarize everything I’d learned over the five days in training camp. But I came away knowing firmly in my heart that I will live for God and for Him only.
And the lesson continues in Thailand …