After God’s Very Own Heart // 追求神的心意

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After God's Very Own Heart(2)

How can those who are poor in spirit be blessed? Jess shares with us how she let go of her own wants during her job search and decided to chase after God’s very own heart.

“Blessed are those who are poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven.” - Matthew 5:3

What does this verse truly mean? How can those who are poor in spirit feel blessed? I had a hard time grasping this concept until the Lord led me to a situation where I was able to wholly feel the truth of these words.

It was around mid August last year. I had just graduated from college, and was seeking God on where my next step was.

I still remember one night at One_Eighty (a young adults fellowship) at The Vine when a friend of ours Anthony was preaching the start of the series on the Beatitudes and I heard the scripture verse, “Blessed are those who are poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 5:3) That night, God truly opened my eyes and my heart to seek Him.

I still remember after Anthony preached, in our response and worship time, I was praying, “Lord, make me poor in spirit! Oh Papa, I want to cling on to you alone and to truly rely on You and You alone. You are all that I need… Give me a heart like King David, a man who was after your very own heart. I want to be a woman after your very own heart.”

I didn’t even know what it meant at that time to be praying that… a woman after God’s own heart. What did that look like? What did that mean? And I did not tell any one at all about that prayer.

So it was mid August, and I was seeking some job related to my major in political science and law because in the previous summer, God confirmed my calling to be in the legal/ government related field through different circumstances and divine encounters. I had no doubt I was meant to be seeking a job related to this particular field. However, after a while, seeing so many of my friends already having secured a job made me anxious while I was still searching for one.

A good girlfriend of mine who worked in the fashion industry told me that her firm was seeking a temporary marketing executive. And I thought to my self, why not? It was good to be working part-time and at the same time seek a job related to the field that God called me to be in, wasn’t it? So I took up that offer, and worked part-time and at the same time trying to seek a full-time job.

However, even on the first week of work at the fashion firm, I felt strongly that God was telling me to let it go. I ignored what the spirit was telling me to do, because after all, I was thinking, it’s a temporary job anyway. But deep down in my heart, I knew the reason why I took up this job was because I couldn’t stand being idle with my time and I knew that I would feel uncomfortable if I told others I was unemployed if they asked. The interesting thing was, during that summer, before I took up the marketing part-time, I did have a couple of interviews and it was moving forward. But, ever since I started working part-time, I had no calls, no interviews, and no follow-up interviews at all, even though it was the same CV I was sending out. . Nonetheless, I committed that I would help out at the fashion firm for a minimum of four weeks so I made sure I kept my promise.

The fourth week was coming closer, and God nudged me again.  Through attending Bible Study Fellowship, One_Eighty and even the Sunday Service sermon at The Vine, it felt like God was challenging me with the same question: Do you trust in Me? Are you going to cling onto Me or are you going to cling onto this part-time job of yours? I struggled much to let go of what I thought was security, and to truly be obedient to His ways. I decided that I would cling onto God, and I would walk into the destiny that He has already planned for me.

God reminded me of the prayer I prayed earlier that year with my prayer partner – and we prayed that God would bless me with a job relevant to the field he called me to on or before my birthday, and that I would be a blessing to that company. My birthday was at the end of October.

So at the end of the fourth week (which was around early October) I took courage to tell my boss that I felt like I needed to spend more time looking for a job and could not commit any longer. And literally three hours later, after I had that conversation with my boss, I received a call from the current firm I am working at right now (which is a firm that specialized in financial regulation & law related matters), for a first interview the following week. And very quickly I had a second interview and received an offer one week before my birthday.

God truly, truly looks at our hearts. And he truly, truly knows when we totally surrender to Him as well.

God allowed me to experience what it means to be poor in spirit, which is a posturing of the heart where one is wholly given, fully yielded, completely desperate, and totally dependant on God alone.

Because I surrendered my own wants to God, he not only answered my prayer and blessed me with a job, but he also answered my prayer about my desire to be a woman after God’s very own heart. The following weekend, I had a birthday tea party with a few close girl friends and when I opened one of the gifts, there was a book entitled “A Woman After God’s Own Heart” by Elizabeth George. I did not tell anyone at all about the prayer I prayed that night after listening to the message by Anthony, but truly God listened! My friend even told me she wasn’t planning on getting that book for me, but for some reason, she felt like the Holy Spirit was telling her to bless me with that book.

When we seek after God’s own heart, God desires to lavishly love on us even more and pursue our heart… how humbling is that!

虛心的人會怎樣得到祝福呢? Jess 向我們分享她在尋找工作的過程中,怎樣放下自己的意願和期望,並追求神的心意。

虛心的人有福了,因為天國是他們的。” 馬太福音5:3

這經節的真正意思是甚麼呢?虛心的人可以怎樣蒙福呢?我一直都未能完全掌握這經節箇中的意思。直至有一次,神透過特別的方式,向我啟示這句話的真理。

去年八月中,我剛剛大學畢業,正在尋找自己未來的方向。我求問神,下一步該怎樣走。

有一晚,在葡萄藤教會的 One_Eighty (一個基督青年團契)裡,我的朋友Anthony 分享了耶穌登山的第一個講道‘天國八福’- 耶穌開口教訓門徒說:“虛心的人有福了,因為天國是他們的。(馬太福音5:3)那個晚上,神實實在在張開了我的眼睛和心門去全心全意地尋求祂。

還記得當晚,當Anthony分享完畢,在崇拜回應時,我向神說:“神呀,請祢賜我一顆虛心受教的心!我只想完全依靠著祢,單單依靠著祢。祢是我一切所需…請祢給我一顆像大衛的心,因為他忠心地追求神祢的心意 。我很想成為一位合神心意、並得上帝的喜悅的女孩。

那一刻,我根本不完全知道這禱告的含義。一個追求神的心意的女孩是怎樣的?我沒有將這禱告告訴任何人。

當時是八月中,我正在尋找一些跟我的主科政法有關的工作。這是因爲在剛過去的暑假,神透過不同的情況和奇遇,確認我的呼召是投身於與政法相關的工作,所以我毫不懷疑地一直尋找有關這一方面的工作。過了一段時間後,眼看身邊的朋友都已經找到了工作,我卻仍在摸索的階段。我的心開始著急、憂慮及徬徨。

那時,有一位任職於時裝設計公司的好友告訴我,她的公司正在聘用臨時營銷主管。那刻的我在想,如果可以邊做兼職邊找有關政法的固定職業,不是更好嗎?既然我也沒有推塘的理由,我就答允擔任這公司的臨時營銷主管。

但是,在時裝設計公司上班的第一個星期,我已經強烈感覺到神要我放手,不要在這公司工作。我卻選擇不理會聖靈的感動,因為我覺得這畢竟只是一份兼職。但在內心深處,我知道自己做兼職真正原因是因為忍受不了遊手好閑的感覺。每當別人問我的近況時,我都只能告訴他們我正在失業,那感覺極不好受。有趣的是,暑假期間,在開始兼職之前,我曾被邀請到各間不同的公司面試而且進度還不錯。可是,自從開始兼職以後,即使我寄出同一份履歷,我也沒有收到任何來電、面試通知及面試的機會!然而,為了遵守我的承諾,我仍需要於這公司工作至少四個星期。

不經不覺,於這公司工作快三個星期了,我感覺到上帝提醒著我祂之前跟我的對話。透過不同的形式 (包括國際研經團契、One_Eighty、葡萄籐教會崇拜的講道),神再次問我同一條問題: “你願意依靠著我嗎?你選擇抱緊我還是抱緊你這份兼職呢? 我不斷掙扎是否應放下自己認爲是最安全的依靠,並選擇順服,跟從上帝。最後,我決定抱緊著神,走進祂替我安排了的計劃。

神又提醒我曾於年頭與一位姊妹一起禱告,我們祈求上帝可以在我生日前安排一份適合的工作,而且也很希望給那家公司帶來祝福。我是十月底生日的。

就在第四個星期(10月上旬),我鼓起勇氣,告訴上司我需要更多的時間尋找工作,所以我決定辭去了這份兼職。然後,當天下午,正是我跟上司會面後的三個小時之後,我收到一個電話,邀請我去面試(正是我現職的公司,一間專注於金融監管的公司)。不久我就得到第二次面試的機會,然後在我生日前的一個星期,我得知我獲這間公司聘用。

耶和華真的會看我們的内心!當我們完全屈服於上帝時,祂是知道的!

上帝讓我體驗到‘虛心的人有福’的意思。我們要奉獻我們整顆心,完全屈服於對神的崇高信賴、徹底渴慕並單單依賴上帝。

當我放下自己的意願和期望,並追求神的心意的時候,神不但回應我的禱告,並親自挑選工作給我,祂還應許我想成為一位合神心意、並得上帝的喜悅的女孩這懇求。在我生日的那個週末,我與一些好姊妹一起聚會並慶祝。當我打開其中一位姊妹所送的生日禮物時,我非常驚訝,因為那份禮物是一本由伊麗莎白 . 喬治所寫、題為《合神心意的女人》的書。我沒有告訴任何人關於當晚在聼完Anthony講道後的禱告,但神卻親自聼了!那位姊妹還告訴我,她本來沒打算送這本書給我,但其後受到聖靈的感動覺得要透過這本書來祝福我。

當我們尋求神的心意的時候,上帝總讓我們經歷祂那何等長濶高深的愛並追求我們的心意⋯⋯ 神的愛對渺小的我們是多麼的偉大!

Image credit: Flickr/dkshots

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