I’m Glad I’m Single Until Now // 慶幸我單身至今

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Wendy was weathering a typhoon in the Philippines with two girlfriends when she wrote the following post reflecting on her gratitude towards being single until now.
當Wendy和兩個朋友在菲律賓經歷一場颱風來臨時，寫下了她對於處於單身狀態的感想。

For the last four days, we’ve bummed around the beach in our bikinis (and consequently our sunburns), shared loads of good food and drink, and spent an extravagant day in a spa and enjoyed hours and hours of deep conversation.

We’re all in our 30s, we’re all rather single, and we all want to be married – and we wouldn’t mind if it were soon. But, tonight over dinner, we found ourselves emphatically declaring the many reasons we’re glad we’re still single. We’ve gained serious treasure through these years of singleness, and none of us would take back the process for a million bucks.

I can look back at the years and years of my singleness and say, “It’s been good. You were right, Father. I love my story and I don’t want it to be any other way.”

I might have missed out on sex, but I haven’t suffered from lack of intimacy. I’ve not been able to rely on one particular person who’s there each day I wake up, and so I’ve needed (and met) God profoundly. I also have learned to build trust, deeply connect and depend on many, many people over the years. I’ve had something like 85 room/housemates since 1998, been part of, um, too many teams to count, and had dozens of travel and ministry partners during my international adventures. I’ve had to learn how to receive from each of these people, and in doing so, I’ve become rich. My relational needs have been met. I am confident in my Father who provides for me through others. I have true friends all over the world. And, my husband will not have the pressure of my unreasonable expectation that he be everything to me, because that thing died somewhere along the road of this single woman’s ever-changing relational landscape.

I also remember an encouragement from an older woman friend named Jean, in the midst of one of my many lonely, “I hate being single” crises moments. She said that I would be glad someday to have worked through so many issues while single rather than in the context of marriage. I despairingly didn’t care at that point. But, now, after 16 years of living on my own as a single woman – and being in a process of healing for all of that time – I can say that Jean was right. I know who I am. I know what I want. I still have issues, but I am extremely self-aware, have loads of tools to deal healthily with them, and I know I’ll be glad for this maturity in my marriage.

I could go on and on about how it has been endlessly rich being single. Don’t get me wrong – it hasn’t been easy. I think I would have traded the painful process for marriage a thousand times mid-stream. But, now, at 34, I am securely thankful that He waited until now before introducing me to my husband.

Another perk in having waited so long to get married is that there are many fewer surprises now, well into our 30s. If my husband was ever going to start going bald or wearing socks with his sandals, he’s already begun doing so. And, like me, he’ll know who he is, and we’ll both know who we’re saying “yes” to.

Update: Wendy has since gotten engaged to the man God prepared for her! We are currently working on a video testimony of her love story. Check in sometime in the near future to hear where Wendy’s journey goes from here.

For more of Wendy’s posts on God, faith, identity and singleness, check out her blog: http://wendyandrews.wordpress.com/

在過去4天，我們穿著比基尼（當然還有曬傷了的身體）在沙灘上悠閒地享受假期，我們分享了很多好吃的食物和飲料，又一起在水療中心共度無與倫比的一天，享受著一個又一個小時的深層對話。

我們都是30多歲、全都是單身，還有我們全都想結婚 – 亦都不介意儘快結婚。但在今晚的晚餐中，我們發表了很多我們慶幸我們還是單身的原因。在這些年來，我們從這個單身狀態中得到了很多很多珍寶，而就算有人給我們一百萬，我們也沒有一個願意拿走這段單身的旅途。

我可以回望年復一年的單身生活，然後說：『這生活一直都很好。天父呀，袮是對的。我愛我的故事，就算能夠重寫，我也不想它有任何改變。』

我可能錯失了性愛，但我沒有缺乏親密關係。我不可以依賴一個每天醒來就在我身邊的人，所以我深深地需要（和找到）神。我也學到了建立信任，深切的與人連繫，在這些年依靠很多很多不同的人。由1998起，我有過大概85位同房/同屋主，當過數之不盡的團隊的一份子，也在不同的國際歷險中有過十幾個旅遊和事奉工作上的夥伴，並從他們身上學習。慢慢地我變得『富有』，我在親密關係上的需要也得到了滿足。我對我的天父很有信心，祂通過他人給我供應，在世界各地都有真正的朋友。我不會盲目地期待我丈夫就是我的一切，而我的丈夫也不需要承擔如此的壓力，因爲那個盲目的期待，已經在一個單身女人在尋找人與人之間的親密關係途中，慢慢消失了…

還記得有位比較年長的朋友Jean，在其中一個 『我討厭我是單身』的時刻給我鼓勵。她說終有一天我會慶幸我是在單身而不是結了婚的時候，經歷並拆解了那麽多的問題。我當時不以爲意，但現在經過16年的單身女郎生活，並在當中不停地經歷心靈治療後，我可以肯定Jean是對的！我知道我是誰，也知道我要的是什麽。我還是會有問題，但我保持自覺，用很多不同的健康方法去處理它們，我知道這份成熟對我未來的婚姻會有很大的幫助的。

我可以源源不絕地分享單身的好處，但不要誤會，單身生活一點也不容易。在過程中，我有上千次想用這個痛苦的過程交換婚姻。現在我34嵗了，我帶著安全感去感謝神現在才把我介紹給我的丈夫認識。

等了那麽久才結婚的另外一個好處是，我們都30多歲了，在婚姻生活中讓我們意想不到的事情也會相對少了。如果我老公開始禿頭，又或者是開始在穿拖鞋的同時穿上襪子，這些事情應該在我認識他的時候已經發生了。跟我一樣，他也清楚自己是誰，我們都會知道我們結婚當時，是跟怎樣的一個他/她說了“我願意”。

更新：Wendy現已跟一位神為她準備的男士訂婚了！我們正在為她的愛情故事拍攝見證。想知道Wendy的旅程自以上的分享後如何發展，請在不久的將來再回來我們的網站看看吧！

想看更多Wendy有關神、信仰、身份、單身的分享，可以瀏覽她的網誌：http://wendyandrews.wordpress.com/

Photo credit: flickr.com/hmoong

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