I’m Glad I’m Single Until Now // 慶幸我單身至今
Wendy was weathering a typhoon in the Philippines with two girlfriends when she wrote the following post reflecting on her gratitude towards being single until now.
For the last four days, we’ve bummed around the beach in our bikinis (and consequently our sunburns), shared loads of good food and drink, and spent an extravagant day in a spa and enjoyed hours and hours of deep conversation.
We’re all in our 30s, we’re all rather single, and we all want to be married – and we wouldn’t mind if it were soon. But, tonight over dinner, we found ourselves emphatically declaring the many reasons we’re glad we’re still single. We’ve gained serious treasure through these years of singleness, and none of us would take back the process for a million bucks.
I can look back at the years and years of my singleness and say, “It’s been good. You were right, Father. I love my story and I don’t want it to be any other way.”
I might have missed out on sex, but I haven’t suffered from lack of intimacy. I’ve not been able to rely on one particular person who’s there each day I wake up, and so I’ve needed (and met) God profoundly. I also have learned to build trust, deeply connect and depend on many, many people over the years. I’ve had something like 85 room/housemates since 1998, been part of, um, too many teams to count, and had dozens of travel and ministry partners during my international adventures. I’ve had to learn how to receive from each of these people, and in doing so, I’ve become rich. My relational needs have been met. I am confident in my Father who provides for me through others. I have true friends all over the world. And, my husband will not have the pressure of my unreasonable expectation that he be everything to me, because that thing died somewhere along the road of this single woman’s ever-changing relational landscape.
I also remember an encouragement from an older woman friend named Jean, in the midst of one of my many lonely, “I hate being single” crises moments. She said that I would be glad someday to have worked through so many issues while single rather than in the context of marriage. I despairingly didn’t care at that point. But, now, after 16 years of living on my own as a single woman – and being in a process of healing for all of that time – I can say that Jean was right. I know who I am. I know what I want. I still have issues, but I am extremely self-aware, have loads of tools to deal healthily with them, and I know I’ll be glad for this maturity in my marriage.
I could go on and on about how it has been endlessly rich being single. Don’t get me wrong – it hasn’t been easy. I think I would have traded the painful process for marriage a thousand times mid-stream. But, now, at 34, I am securely thankful that He waited until now before introducing me to my husband.
Another perk in having waited so long to get married is that there are many fewer surprises now, well into our 30s. If my husband was ever going to start going bald or wearing socks with his sandals, he’s already begun doing so. And, like me, he’ll know who he is, and we’ll both know who we’re saying “yes” to.
Update: Wendy has since gotten engaged to the man God prepared for her! We are currently working on a video testimony of her love story. Check in sometime in the near future to hear where Wendy’s journey goes from here.
For more of Wendy’s posts on God, faith, identity and singleness, check out her blog: http://wendyandrews.wordpress.com/
我們都是30多歲、全都是單身，還有我們全都想結婚 – 亦都不介意儘快結婚。但在今晚的晚餐中，我們發表了很多我們慶幸我們還是單身的原因。在這些年來，我們從這個單身狀態中得到了很多很多珍寶，而就算有人給我們一百萬，我們也沒有一個願意拿走這段單身的旅途。
Photo credit: flickr.com/hmoong