Journey of Learning: Lesson #3 // 一個旅程的學習 （第三課）
我會繼續等待下一站，神帶領的愛的下一站。 I will wait for the next stop, where His Love leads me.
Before summer vacation started for my son, I really wanted to take him on vacation and show him the world. The moment we stepped into the airport, it felt like God’s blessing for us had been carved into our hearts again.
After our trip to the Philippines earlier on this year, I have great expectations for Thailand. Yet I felt like I didn’t really do anything on the trip, but emotionally a lot has happened… I really don’t know how to express the rise and falls of everyday. I remember as I was still waiting for the provision for this mission trip, our team came together to pray, and we had this impression, “we are going because God wants His people to know that He will never abandon or forsake us; also because He wants us to see ourselves clearly.” Did we see ourselves better in the end? I know my answer is ‘yes’.
This is the first time I’ve ever stayed in a hostel, and those who live here or are being taken care of by those who live here are abandoned orphans, girls rescued from prostitution and human trafficking, released prisoners, and men who have been persuaded to leave gangs and to stay here. It seems complicated, but I have a peace I just can’t describe when I was there. On the other hand, I was challenged by getting along with the team; having to be considerate and understanding, respecting and appreciating them. Is it easy? Not at all! The hardest and scariest part of the trip is handling the emotions that bubble up from trials. I might complain because of something small, the next moment I’d be upset at myself for not holding my tongue; this would happen day after day… especially when it comes to my child, the team members’ children, and the hostel’s children: how can I be fair and balance out the time that I use to take care of them? How do I serve whole-heartedly without neglecting my own child? When I finally gave all my emotions to the Lord, everything resolved because of His Love.
When my emotions were swaying uncontrollably, I remembered a question which had been left unanswered from Gateway. I had a feeling that the answer would come after I left for the mission trip. God is faithful; I got my answer here, “I’m human. I get tired, sad, weak, and I need other people’s comfort too.”
At a devotion one morning, in the midst of people’s prayers, I heard people declaring the revelations they received, yet I kept repeating this in my heart, “Father God, You have shown me my sisters’ hearts and hurts, that I may pray and wait for them, but why haven’t anyone seen me? Can you let someone see me in their visions, that I would know again that You love me… I know I’m being spoilt, but can You just let me have my way once more?”
Then another day, as our team members washed the feet of the brothers from the hostel, they said that they would also like to wash ours. When they said, “Mama Coria is first”, and when that brother put my feet in the basin, I just cried the whole time, upset at myself because I didn’t deserve it.
Was this what the trip was? No happiness nor excitement?
If I had went without Him, the answer would be ‘yes’, but because He was there, the answer is ‘no’.
One morning as we were praying and ministering, I chose to leave my son aside and picked up one child after and other, trying to understanding their loss and how ignorant we have been of the weight of it. I was grateful for my teammates laying hands and praying for them, freeing them from the tears of desolation. Before bed, he asked me, “mommy, am I your only son?” That moment I saw his fear of losing his mother; but at the same time I was happy that he knew to share his heart with me. I praise God for giving my son the Father’s love and healing him.
It was another night, when God lead me into a few girls’ room, to encourage them with my story, to share about God’s faithfulness, and to pray for them. The thing I’m the most grateful about is that when I shared about how God lead me to forgive my father who abandoned his family and child, a girl suddenly hugged me and said, “Oh God! Please teach me to forgive my father!” I’m also grateful because for a second it felt like I was their mother, able to give them a kiss and a blessing before they slept.
There’s also the answer to all my prayers, healings… including that morning when I asked God about the vision, He is never late, nor does is abandon us. His faithfulness tells me that He will always choose to forgive and will never forget that we are His love, for “we love, because He first loved us.”
That morning when we left, every child’s face, every kiss they planted on our cheeks, and every painting, every souvenir they made… were life testimonies of His love. I found that no matter how many mistakes I had made, how bad I have done, He will still use me to love others, giving me grace. He lead me to see with His eyes and perspective. He cares not only about those who are being ministered to, but also about our growth, as well as our inner wounds.
On our way back I could hardly wait to go and love, to let more people (including myself, going deeper) know and experience His love. I will wait for the next stop, where His Love leads me.
Blessings to everyone who reads this, and please also bless me to go to my next stop.
Image credit: Flickr / Tranuf