Just One Touch of God’s Love // 一觸神的愛

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From someone who was once nicknamed “Satan’s Father” to the God-loving man he is today, Tycus shares his long journey to accepting Christ.
從一個曾經綽號稱為撒旦之父”,變為今天愛主的人,Tycus 分享他接受基督的漫長旅程

I, Tycus Tse Tao Sun, was born in Hong Kong in 1984. I was born into a non-Christian modern Hong Kong middle class family that held values of traditional Chinese religious beliefs.

Kindergarten was the first time I came into contact with Christianity. Based on reputation and connections, my parents placed me into a Christian kindergarten. Little did anyone know, God had already started His work on my heart since that time. The teachers there taught us everything all kindergartens teach. But they also told stories of the Bible, taught Christian songs and taught the kids to pray. Since that time, I innocently prayed on my own every night. Childish but honest prayers.

I spent 4 years of primary school in a secular international school in Hong Kong before going to Singapore for 2 years. During those years, without any Christian influence, the values of the world gained a foothold in my life. My life became a chase after power, achievements, recognitions and pleasures. What I desired was to become a successful person, live a decent life and have influence on the society. Concepts of character and moral slowly faded away, and it all made way for just consideration for me, myself and I. After completing primary school, I entered a school of reputation and fame.

Little did I know that it was really God who has arranged my path of school. Even though I had thought I was the one planning my life, God was really the One who determined my steps. Through the years, secular values from the world had influenced the functioning of the school, yet core values and religious practice of Methodist Christianity remained. This re-introduction of Christianity allowed me to rediscover the once innocent childhood beliefs regarding God and faith.

However, this was met with both conflicts from the outside and within. Outwardly, it was hypocrisy in action of many who called themselves Christians. What was preached from the pulpit was a mismatch with what I observed in their daily lives. Inwardly, the fight was against my concepts of moral values according to the mix of traditional Chinese thinking and modern day secularism and individualism. I searched for the final right answer between these conflicting concepts, perhaps hoping to take a compromised and neutral stance in order to be comfortable on all fronts. And as most teenagers would want in our naivety, I tried to develop my own personal reasoning which surpasses other reasoning.

In my first two years in this school, I had developed my own foolish concept which was to go to the extreme and hate Christianity. I spoke out against it, against the hypocrisy and the controversies. I strove hard to achieve greater achievements and behave with better moral standards than Christians. I did so in an attempt to nullify the truth of the Bible according to the values of the present age. I lashed out verbally against Christians for their belief and passionately persuaded non-believers to stay away from the faith. I even fabricated my own conspiracy theory about religions. Through all these, I had earned a notorious reputation in school and was nicknamed “Satan’s father”.

But even as I prided myself in being a persecutor of Christianity, there was something I had not felt right on the inside. In the height of my academic life and other achievements, I had thought I would be satisfied and lack nothing, but deep down inside, there was something essential that remained missing.

Things started to change on 26th January 2000, at the start of the third year of my secondary school. The timing was coincidental x 4. My class was on a school trip to Thailand but my rugby coach chose to keep me in Singapore for training. That day, I was supposed to go for training, but had to remain in my school compound for a prefects meeting. The meeting was called off because we had an unusually low attendance. Then after the meeting was dismissed, two fellow students (Charles & Kendrick) approached me. Kendrick was a senior prefect who introduced Charles to me. It was an unusually right timing because I happened to have some time on my hands to chat. So Charles and I sat down at the benches behind the school amphitheater to talk.

It was quite a “chat” between Charles and I. Two hours of discussion swinging between heated and intellectual arguments. There I expressed my intense disagreements towards the behaviours I observed of Christians and my own conspiracy theories on the religion. Charles patiently made every attempt to address them to no avail (honestly, I did not remember a single bit of what he had said). In the end of two hours, the conversation seems to be going nowhere.

Then suddenly, out of a moment of silence, something stirred in the depth of my heart. One that, to this day, I could not explain from a logical view without including God in the equation. I felt my heart opening up, and out surged a deep sorrow and emptiness. It was followed by a deep warm feeling, an irrational sense of peace and an overwhelming sense of intimate love. In retrospect, I learned that it was the touch of God’s love. It turned out that at that exact moment, a team some distance away was interceding and praying for Charles and me.

For years since moving to Singapore, I had fought my own fights and worked my own works and had never cried.

This touch of God’s love broke down all my defenses to reach the inner most core of my heart. I had no choice but to be honest with myself and accept this love. Charles realized what God was doing, and gladly followed the leading of the Holy Spirit. There, God found me and I accepted Jesus into my life as my Lord and Savior.

It has now been almost 14 years since that day. Much has happened and much will continue to happen. This journey of knowing Christ is definitely not a bed of roses. The process of sanctification began on that day of accepting Jesus, but will continue and only be completed when I enter into His glory after this life.

In this walk, there will always be moments of ups and downs. Moments of failures and sin which require honest repentance and God’s forgiveness. Moments of correcting character flaws and dealing with past issues. Moments of victory and blessings that return us to humility and thankfulness in Christ.

The joy of salvation, His purpose of our lives, His unconditional everlasting love, unyielding faithfulness, life in His abundance and His relentless grace are forever unchanged and are only gradually discovered and experienced through our walk with Him.

All Praise, Thanks, Glory and Honour be unto the Lord.

 

 我,Tycus Tse Tao Sun,1984 年在香港出生。我出生在香港一個非基督教的中產家庭,有著中國傳統宗教信仰的價值觀。

我在幼兒園時第一次接觸了基督教。基於學校聲譽和人脈關係,父母把我送到一所基督教的幼兒園。誰知道,神在那時候已經開始在我的心靈上動工。在那裡的老師會教我們所有其他幼兒園也會教的東西。但他們還會講聖經的故事,教我們詩歌和禱告。從那時起, 我每天晚上都會天真地禱告、幼稚但真誠的禱告。

在我去新加坡前, 在香港一所沒宗教信仰的國際學校讀了四年小學。那幾年裡,在沒有任何基督教的影響下,世界的價值觀佔據了我的生活。我的生活變成了權力、成就、認可和享樂的追逐。我想要的,是成為一個成功、過著優質生活和對社會有著影響的人。人格和道德的觀念已經慢慢消失,我只會考慮自己。在小學畢業後,我進入了一所有聲譽與名望的學校。

我一點也不知道是神安排我上學的路。儘管我曾以為是我自己規劃我的人生,但是神才是真正決定我每一步的那位。 多年來,來自世俗的價值觀已經影響了學校的運作,但衛理基督教的核心價值觀,和宗教的做法仍然被保留。這次重新接觸基督教,讓我再次重拾無邪的童年時對於神的信靠。

不過,這遭到了來自外在和內在的沖擊。從表面上看,很多人自稱是基督徒,行為根本就是表裡不一的空談。講台上講師所講的道,與我在他們日常生活中觀察到的根本是兩回事。內裡,我的道德價值觀念,掙扎於中國的傳統觀念和現代世俗主義及個人主義之間。我在這些相互衝突的概念之間,搜索最終的正確答案,或許可說是為了舒適各方面而希望採取一個折衷和中立的立場。我像大多數青少年一樣,我天真地嘗試去開發比其他理論優勝的個人論證。

在這所學校的頭兩年,我愚蠢地培養出了極致和憎恨基督教的觀念。我反對它,反對它的虛偽和爭議。我努力去實現比基督徒更好的成績和表現,活出更好的道德標準。我試圖根據現時代的價值觀,去抹殺聖經的真理。我發表抨擊基督徒的信仰言論,與及積極地說服非信徒遠離這個信仰。我甚至捏造關於宗教的陰謀論。因為這總總的言行舉止,我在學校獲得了一個惡名昭彰的綽號,被稱為“撒旦之父”。

即使我為著是基督教的迫害者而感到自豪,但感覺到內心有些事情不對勁。我曾以為我會從我的學業生涯,及其他成就當中得到滿足,但在內心深處,感覺還是差了一樣很重要的東西。

2000年1月26日,事情就在我中學三年級時出現變化。這個時機相信是四倍的巧合。我的班級要去泰國遊學,但我的橄欖球教練卻要我留在新加坡進行培訓。那天,我本來是要參加訓練的,但我卻留在校舍裡參加班長會議。不過,這次會議被取消,因為我們有一個不尋常的低出席率。會議被取消後,兩個 同學(Charles 和 Kendrick)走近我。 Kendrick是高班級班長,他介紹Charles給我認識。這是一個不尋常的時機,因為我碰巧有時間可以聊天。所以Charles和我坐在學校露天劇場後面的長椅聊天。

這是一個相當不錯的“聊天”。兩個小時的言談,徘徊與激烈和知性的爭論之間。我表達了我對基督徒行為的強烈分歧,以及我對宗教的陰謀論。 Charles耐心地盡一切努力來解答,但是徒勞無功 (說實話,我已不記得他說了什麼)。在兩個小時結束後,我們的對話似乎沒有任何結果。

突然間,出於片刻的沉默,有種感覺在我的內心深處激起。直到這一天,我依然無法用邏輯去理解這份感覺。我覺得心被敞開,傾出很深的悲哀和空虛。接著是一種濃烈的溫暖感覺,與及非理性的平安感和無法抵抗而貼心的愛。現在回想起來,我才知道這是神愛的接觸。原來,在那一刻,一個團隊正在附近為我和Charles代禱。

多年來,自從搬到新加坡後,我為著自己和所要做的戰鬥,從來沒有哭過。

這一下神愛的觸摸,打破了我所有的防禦系統,達到我內心的最深處。我沒有選擇,只好對自己坦白及接受這份愛。Charles意識到神在做什麼,並樂意地跟隨聖靈的帶領。在那裡,神找到了我,我接受耶穌進入我的生活,並成為我的救主。

從那天到現在已經快14年了,許多事情發生了,也有許多事情將會發生。認識基督絕對不是一個稱心如意的旅程。分別為聖的過程始於接受耶穌的那一天,並直到我這輩子過後,進入祂的榮耀才完成。

在這個旅程裡,總會有起伏的時刻。有失敗和罪惡的時刻,需要誠實的悔改和神的寬恕、糾正性格缺陷;有處理過去問題的時刻,我們需要回歸謙卑;當然,也有在基督裡感恩和祝福的時刻。

救恩的喜樂、豐富的恩典、生命的盼望、不屈不撓的忠誠、無條件而永恆的愛是永遠不變的,並只能透過我們與祂同行,才能逐漸發現和經歷。

所有的讚美、感謝、榮耀和榮譽都歸於主。

Image credit: flickr.com/bbaltimore

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