Lego Life // Lego 人生

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lego-life

拆毀再重建,喜悅成為新造的人。Coria discovered she is broken and rebuilt to joyfully become a new person.

二零一一年十一月某日,尚有數天再一次面臨未知下一落腳點而需要搬離現在居所。
在閉上眼飯前禱告的那一刻,主告訴我:「最後一分鐘!」

過去三年,從相信自己到相信神;從相信一對手什麼也能到相信整個人什麼也不能,這段路真的不容易。三年前,祂説:「妳知道什麼是Lego嗎?當要將一幢大廈重新砌成一座城堡,妳知道要怎樣做?」我知道,答案是先拆毀、再重砌。那一刻我相信這將會是我生命要經歷的,先拆毀、再重建…我是Lego,負責砌的是祂。

當一個生命被撕碎成一片片是如何模樣?在人真的不能想像,但祂的信實讓我如申命記八章四節所述「…你的衣服沒有穿破、你的腳也沒有腫。」

因為過去那一千多天祂的信實、祂的保守,就是要等到「最後一分鐘」也仍然安心。還記得當時自己像小孩子般,毫不猶豫對著天父恩賜於我的屬靈父親說:「第一次遇上這景況,天父爸爸在限期前七日通知我的去向;第二次發生,通知是限期前一日;如果今次要等到最後一分鐘,我相信也必等到。就是搬離了現處而無處可行,停留在街上,我仍舊相信祂不會要孩子與我睡在街頭。如果這是試煉,天父已非常溫柔地讓我循序漸進了!」

二零一一年十一月六日,我們站在街上等了再等:「父啊,我該如何行呢?」晩上,孩子與我寄住在一位教會姊妹的家。這是第一晚,也開始了第一個寄住的地方。

失望嗎?記得祂說過:「我知道我向你們所懷的意念是賜平安的意念,不是降災禍的意念,為要叫你們末後有指望。」 (耶利米書 29:11)

害怕嗎?也記得祂提點過地上的孩子:「在世上你們有苦難,但你們可以放心,我已經勝了世界。」 (約翰福音 16:33)

我相信這不是結局。但難過嗎?說真的,心真的很難過!難過是已經失去了一個完整的家,現在連居住的家也沒有了。那一日,靜下來的時間我哭了:「我的兒子,對不起!」

這一晚開始了在哭喊中禱告至疲憊下進入睡;與每一早從盼望中再出發。就這樣重複再重複,難過的事未過卻又增添新的,磨難到那"叫喊神"的晚上:「何時是最後一分鐘?我現在相信這是我崩潰前的最後一分鐘…為什麼袮不理我?」這一哭鬧,我終於記起了神藉著一位牧師太太早前告訴我的一段話,與更重要的那一句:「約伯說我從前風聞有袮,現在親眼見袮。妳將要經歷更破碎更難行,但當妳行經完這段路,妳失去的,神將會雙倍祝福予妳。」

「天父爸爸,請袮背我行過這段路,我過不了…」

再晚一點,我收到一首歌「Let it go」,聽著聽著聽到祂是在告訴我

“But You said let it go, You said let it go
You said life is waiting for the one to lose control.
You said You will be, everything I need
You said if I lose my life it’s then I’ll find my soul
You said let it go”

「父啊!還有什麼是我還沒有放手給袮的呢?請讓我知道…」

一日又一日,我整個生命真正地進入完全失控,可是我的屬靈父親卻告知我這是突破的時候了!

二零一一年十二月凌晨,我看到那盼望的二零一二年,祂讓我知道「Lego」要重砌了。

二零一二年五月,我開始寫這一篇見證,再次見證祂的信實。過去五個月,整副「Lego」拆解了。今日,祂已為孩子與我砌了一個漂亮的家、一份比想像更好的工、及一條重新的路。

或許這篇見證不太完全,好像遺留了很多過程與細節,更可惜的是不能一一寫下祂那一點一滴的奇妙與恩典。這一百五十多天,與過去那一千多天是多本厚厚的日記,也就是今天重新的我。

有教導、有練習、有體驗…人在基督裡,就是新造的人,舊事已過,都已變成新的了。

感謝還要感謝!多謝袮,我的父!

One day in November 2011, I found myself with only a few days before I needed to move out of my house yet again, without knowing where to move to. I closed my eyes and prayed, and at that moment, God said to me, “In the last minute.”

In the past 3 years, I’ve changed from believing in myself to believing God, from believing in my pair of hands to do it all to believing I can’t do everything – this road was not easy. God said to me, “Do you know what Lego are? When you need to rebuild a skyscraper into a castle, do you know how it’s done?” I know, the answer is to take it apart, then rebuild. At that moment I realized this is what my life needs to experience – taking it apart, then rebuilding. I am like Lego, and He is responsible for rebuilding me.

What does it look like when a life has been torn up piece by piece? One really can’t imagine, but in His faithfulness he showed me through Deuteronomy 8:4, “Your clothes did not wear out and your feet did not swell…”

Because in those previous 1000 days, His faithfulness, His protection, though coming at the “last minute”, still comforted me and gave me peace. I remember at that time I was like a child, I didn’t hesitate to ask the spiritual father that my Heavenly Father has sent me, “The first time I was in this situation, Heavenly Father showed me where I should go seven days prior to leaving; the second time, you showed me the day before; if this time I must wait until the last minute, I believe I can wait and it will happen. Even if I have to move out and onto the streets, I still believe He will not allow my child and me to sleep on the street. And if this is a trial, Heavenly Father has already gently led me step by step.”

On 6th November, 2011, we stood on the street waiting and waiting: “Father, where should I go?” At night, my child and I went and stayed with a sister from church. This was the first night, and started our first stay in someone else’s home.

Disappointed? I remembered He said: “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

Afraid? I remembered also He had told His children: “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

I believe this is not the end. But am I sad? To tell the truth, I am very sad! Not only have I lost a complete family, but now I do not even have a home to live in. That day, when things quieted down, I cried, “I’m sorry, my son!”

Starting that night, I cried in prayer until I fell asleep, and every morning I would wake up with new hope. It would repeat and repeat, with new suffering adding to the existing ones, until one night I shouted to the Lord, “When will it be the last minute? I believe now this is the last minute before I break down, how come You aren’t doing anything?” At this cry, I finally remembered something very important a pastor’s wife had told me, “ Job said I had heard of You on the wind, but now I see You with my eyes. You are about to experience more difficulties and experience being more broken, but at the end of this journey, you will gain back from the Lord in a double blessing.”

“Heavenly Father, please carry me through this journey, I can’t make it myself.”

A little while later, I received a song called “Let it Go”. As I listened, I felt God was saying those words to me.

“But You said let it go, You said let it go
You said life is waiting for the one to lose control.
You said You will be, everything I need
You said if I lose my life it’s then I’ll find my soul
You said let it go”

“Father! What is it that I have not let go and given to you? Please let me know!”

Day after day, my entire life has really become out of my control, but my spiritual father has taught me that this is the time of breakthroughs.

One midnight in December 2011, as I looked forward to 2012, God let me know that the “Lego” were ready to be assembled.

In May 2012, I started writing this testimony, again to testify His faithfulness. These past 5 months, the “Lego” had been dismantled. Today, He has given me and my child a beautiful home, a job that is better than I could have imagined, and a new road to travel.

Perhaps this testimony isn’t quite complete and I may have left out a lot of the details of what happened. It is a shame that I cannot record every single detail of His amazing grace. These past 150 or so days, and the 1000 days before that make several thick diaries, and they have also created the new me.

There are lessons, there are tests, there are experiences. This is a life in Christ, a new creation. The old has gone, the new has come.

 

Image credit: Flickr/massdistraction

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