Something White // 白色的嫁衣
Tomorrow is a big day for me. 明天是個大日子。
Tomorrow is a big day for me. I am going to my favourite HK designer to try on my ‘something white’. The designer has finally put his finishing touches on my wedding gown.
Looking back, I was never the girl with the perfect hair, who can wear white and not spill it. Quite the contrary, I was always the little girl with several stains on her white dress. I wish I had the grace of Audrey Hepburn, but I was more like the clumsy character you see in romantic comedies.
Sometimes, I wish I was always pure and white like those girls from youth groups who grew up in a God-loving family, who would become teachers and doctors and then go on to marry their first boyfriends. I wished that I waited for God to choose for me and that my fiancé was the first man I’ve ever dated. If I had never given pieces of my heart away, I would have saved myself from the heartbreaks, the scars, the disappointments and I would then be pure enough to be my own ‘something white’.
‘Be it your body,mind, soul or spirit, if you give pieces of yourself away to someone who God did not choose for you, you can’t truly call yourself pure and white’.
It was not directed at him but it was a thought about myself. I knew that I was wrong but today, I could not help but wish that my fiancé was the first and only boyfriend I ever had.
Later that evening, I decided to wear my brand new white top from Korea to somehow find the feeling of purity in my heart. I went with my best friend to taste some local Hong Kong curry fish balls in Mong Kok before I leave for the United States. As expected, the clumsy me accidentally stained my white top with curry. I tried to get rid of the stains with wet tissue. It was then when I had a flashback from childhood where my mother used to always say,
‘I told you that you can’t buy white dresses because you can never keep them stainless like the other girls’!
My best friend who knows clothing very well told me not to bother cleaning curry stains with wet tissue as the act is futile. She was right, and so was my mother because the stains did not go away after my useless efforts of cleaning them.
The first thing I did when I got home at night was to hand wash my white top. However, something odd happened. I could not find the curry stains anymore. I looked and looked at every corner of my white top and they were gone. Some would call it a delayed cleaning action by the wet tissue bought from our local chain store, Mannings. Some would even call it spooky. As for me, I am going to call it a miracle. I was immediately filled with the Holy Spirit and it was then when God told me that,
‘Yes, you can start all over again. When I cleansed you, you became my pure and white princess’.
No matter how hard I tried to be good on my own I could never wipe out the stains from my past. However, when God forgives, He makes us anew and we are truly born again. Tomorrow, I am going put on my white wedding gown and hold my head up high. I am my own ‘something white’ because Christ lives in me and Christ is pure light.
‘I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you…’ -Ezekiel 36:26
We can start all over again. I tell this to people all the time but now, I can truly say that I believe the same for myself.